As you roll around in your bed, trying to fall asleep, us cats are doing exciting things. You might occasionally hear a dog bark, a cat meow, a rustle somewhere in the distance. But what you don’t hear is the lasers, the battle cries, the paws slipping on banana peels, mice being munched on as casually as french fries. We live our lives as adventurously as you humans do. We fight, we make peace, we drive to work, we raise our kittens.
You might want to know what all the fighting is about. That’s confidential. You might want to know why there are banana peels. That’s none of your business. There’s a reason we do all this at night. It’s because we don’t want any humans finding out and interfering.
I’ll tell you this: I’m famous among cats. I’m rich, and fabulous, I’m on the cover of nearly every magazine. I’m like the Kardashians, but classier. And I’m just one cat, not a whole family. I have a huge mansion, which you are not allowed to visit. Have you ever tasted a mouse lollipop, by the way? They’re delicious. I’m famous for a variety of things. But I suppose I’ve already told you too much. You’ll just have to guess.
You might be thinking “But my cat sleeps on my bed at night!” or “I hear my cat running around at night, you’re wrong”. That’s just what you think. We cats are very intelligent, and are taught when we are kittens how to deceive humans. Good luck figuring out how we lead our night time lives.