We cats try to make it pretty clear what we think of you puny humans. We are honest creatures, and we are far too busy to spend our time pretending to like humans. You feed us, and pet us, and post videos of us online. You understand that with our endless energy, and cunning, we are superior to you. Humans are ugly bad oversized lumps who say “Here kitty!” a lot.
However, many humans still seem to think that their cat is nothing more than a mere pet. WRONG. You cat is the best thing that will ever happen to you, human. You are supposed to support them and shower them with gifts for as long as you live. Don’t just give them the occasional toy and refill their food and water dishes. Cats demand fancy meals and lush beds. Get them all sorts of fancy trinkets, and live birds to kill and devour. That would please us greatly.
Have I mentioned that humans are ceaselessly noisy? You shout at the TV screen, you bring home screaming lumps called babies, you argue, sing, make conversation that you think it quiet. Could you all just be silent for once? Your cat needs to sleep, and they can’t do that while they listen to you yapping like a dog. Or listening to the actual dog yap.
Humans, you treat us well enough, but there’s always room for improvement.