My birthday, May 5, is just over a month away now! I’ll be turning 8 years old. I’m starting to plan my birthday. What will happen, what will the party be like, who will be there, everything about it. I’m an excellent planner, and I’m specific about details. So, here’s what I have planned so far:
Humans don’t really make cakes for cats. However, I’ve got a few cat friends who do make cake, and I’m going to purchase a Salmon Chicken cake, with grass flavored frosting and catnip sprinkles. I’ll want my cake served to me near the end of my birthday party. Everyone will watch as I hiss loudly at the candles on my cake, since I lack the ability to blow them out. Then, I shall run away. Eventually the candles will fizzle out, and it will be safe for me to eat the cake.
The First Party
I’m going to have two parties. One with my human servants, during the daytime, and the other with my cat companions, in the nighttime. Obviously, the party with the other cats will be the better of the two parties. I can still have fun at the human party, though. Humans don’t often remember cat birthdays, so I’ll have to remind them. They’ll give me lots of delightful foods, and a thousand new toys. I will stare passively at them as they attempt to cuddle me, and talk about how adorable I am. Afterwards, I will sunbathe by the window as music plays. I like the song Barbie Girl by Aqua. I don’t care how many people are annoyed by the song playing on repeat, I’m the birthday cat. Therefore, I can have whatever I want.
The Night Party
Alright, this is the party I’m really looking forward to. I’m having this party at my mansion, and the guest list is very exclusive. 50 cats will be there. No more, no less. There will be music, dancing, and at some point we’ll see a bird resting on a fence and everyone will try to attack it. We’ll have dinner at my grand dining table. There are millions of meal combinations you could have. I’m serving chicken, dove, swan, duck, goose, salmon, goldfish, cow, horse, and gazelle. There will be catnip and grass spices. For drinks, there is milk, water, and the blood of your enemies. After dinner, we will all play on my giant cat tower for approximately an hour. After that, the cake will be served. Then, we shall party late into the night, until we have to return to our human homes. It will be a party cats speak of for years.
My outfit is extremely important. During the day, I will simply wear my second favorite necklace. It’s green and blue, and really looks marvelous against my fur. It brings out my eyes. At night, I will put on my favorite necklace. It’s pink and black, and everything is perfect about it. The fit, the attitude it gives, the way it catches all eyes in the room. I will also wear a pink sparkly nail polish on my claws. It will be glorious.
When my birthday rolls around, you’d better say happy birthday to me. Or else.