cat, Uncategorized

I’m Editing Myself Into Pictures

sunsetkitty

I am editing myself into pictures! My face obviously makes all of these pictures 1000% better. If you want my face in one of your pictures, comment below with a picture, or send it to me through my contact page. Your picture will be posted on my next blog post.

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cat, Uncategorized

UGGGGGHHHHHHHH

You would not believe the day I had. Honestly, I am exhausted. Can someone get me a glass of water? Jeez. I am so glad that I’m currently lying on my fluffy bed. Finally, I get some peace and quiet.

So, I’ll explain my tiring day to you. I expect you to weep in sympathy and then send me candy and flowers. I woke up at 7:00 AM. I know, early, ugh. I had a business meeting to attend and I wanted to be the first person there. There were so many cats at the meeting, I had to hiss and occasionally knock over someone’s drink just to be heard. It was the worst. Thankfully, I got what I wanted by the end of the meeting. I happen to be very intimidating, and I had dirt on everyone attending that meeting. MWA HA HA.

After the meeting, I went home and began my exercises. However, I was rudely interrupted when the two boys who live in my house woke up. Not only did they insist on yelling at the video games they played, they let that dog <a href="https://kittsyblog.wordpress.com/2017/02/27/other-animals/"Indy into the house. I can’t even. How was I supposed to exercise as much as I wanted to? I decided to run around the smallest room in the house, which belongs to one of the humans. She was trying to sleep, but I didn’t care. I ran around as much as I wanted to. She’s lazy, so she wasn’t about to get out of bed and try to stop me.

After exercising, I had lunch. I have food in my bowl, but I ate it from the cat food bag instead. It was so much more fun. All the humans gave me dirty looks. Apparently they don’t like it when I eat food before they scoop it into a bowl for me. Whatever. Like I care what they think.

After lunch, I sat down and caught up on emails. I receive quite a few messages per day, you know. I’m popular. I read a book for a couple hours, then read through my schedule for the next week.

Then I puked. Ugh. I hadn’t felt very sick previously, just slightly nauseous. I figured I was fine. Apparently not! A human cleaned up the puke, and now, here I lie in my bed. Tired. Miserable. And yet, still working on my blog.

You should all be happy I exist.

cat, Uncategorized

Movie

Everyone likes to imagine their life as a movie sometimes. Even if they know they definitely aren’t movie star material. I was born to be a star at everything. Therefore, there should be a movie about me.

Imagine it! A movie about my life. It would be truly timeless and captivating. It would make millions of dollars. I could buy another mansion. My face would be on the cover of every magazine.

It doesn’t have to be just imagination, people. Anyone reading this is free to try to make a movie about me… hint hint.

To be honest, I wouldn’t mind a TV show about me either. The cameras could follow my around as I live my exciting life. The audience would never be bored. Every episode would have my name in the title. “Kittsy is an Airplane Pilot”, “Fun Fact: Everyone Loves Kittsy”. There should be both a TV show and a movie about me!

I have some ideas for merchandise about me too. Cat sweaters with my face. Coffee mugs with my face, or things I’ve said. Cat toys inspired by yours truly. Let’s make this a reality!

cat, Uncategorized

Aren’t Bugs Delightful?

Crunch

That’s the sound a bug makes when you chomp down on it. No more of the fluttering of it’s glossy wings. No more listening to it crawling around on your belongings. No buzz buzz. Just crunch. The salty taste of it in your mouth. It twitches, hoping for just a few more moments of life. But your appetite is far bigger than this creature’s life.

Legs. Head. Wings.

If you’re in a patient mood, you could tear off each leg of the bug, and eat it piece by piece. Like eating licorice while you watch a movie. You could also tear off the head of the bug first, and eat that. Like eating a gummy bear’s head. Sometimes, when eating the wings, you’ll get a piece of the wing stuck to the back of your throat. Like popcorn. Wings are delicate, easily torn, easily eaten. You could dip them in milk and then eat them.

Bugs are so delightful.

cat, Uncategorized

I Got Impatient

catfoodbowl.jpg

Do you see the amount of food in my bowl? Unacceptable. It wasn’t fresh enough, there wasn’t as much food as I wanted, and it was visually unpleasing. I couldn’t stand it. So I tore into the new, big, cat food bag.

Sometimes, I feel like a lion who must hunt her prey. To rip into that bag of fresh cat food satisfied that feeling, that desire to kill. Of course, my thirst for the hunt is only temporarily quenched.

catfoodbag.jpg

Just look at that amazing tear in the bag. I got lots of fresh, crunchy food out of it. It was wonderful. Next time, I’ll hunt a fish. Or a deer. Preferably something I could chase.

cat, Uncategorized

The Vacuum Cleaner

The monstrous, headache-inducing, annoying vacuum cleaner has been on a lot lately. It hate it so much. How am I supposed to work if it’s always making noise and disturbing me? And it’s mostly on at night too, which is when I do most of my activities. The longer the humans are awake, using that vacuum, the less time I get for my activities. It’s awful.

I’m thinking of dismantling the vacuum while the humans are distracted. I’ll tear it apart, scattering bits and pieces of it around the house, backyard, and my litterbox, so they’ll never be able to fully repair it. However, they might spend money to get another vacuum. I still think my plan works in my favor, though. It might be a few nights before they get a new one, which is a few nights of peace for me. And the new vacuum might, hopefully, be quieter.

If you have any tips of murdering vacuums, tell me! I command you to.